From among the numerous inevitabilities in life, there are two that occur at opposite ends of any human being’s lifetime.  The first is when a parent’s hands or kind words are shielding us from a misstep, or some other unperceived menace.  The second is when our own wrinkled hands are holding up a contemplative chin, wishing we knew then what we know now.  Life is what happens in between these two points on a pendulum.

It’s my life!

Leave me alone!

I have a right to make my own mistakes!

We have come across any one, or all three of these statements, bellowed by an infuriated teenager at a bewildered, helpless parent.  Thankfully, for most Ethiopians these are scenes that we appreciate from the safe distance of a sofa in front of a television screen or a folding, cushioned seat at the local cinema.  We typically don’t talk to a parent in this manner; perhaps out of respect or maybe because of the most basic human instinct – survival; fear for one’s life.

Nevertheless, every teenager has wished to say these things to a parent.  And, every parent has dreaded hearing them (even while clutching a cane or a belt).  Therefore, examining each of these ridiculous statements may help save both the teenager and parent much pain and bitterness.

It’s my life!

Dear lost teenager, please think this through.  When lost, one should always look down – and voilà, there shall you find thyself.  Look at the sneakers on your feet, the pants sagging halfway to your knees or that skirt that is cut just too high (in fact I wish more boys would hike and more girls would sag…alas that is a different article).  Keep looking to the watch or bracelet, braces, bed sheet and bed; bedroom too, if you will, house, garden and car.  Which of these things did you contribute to purchasing?  What is it that you can show, to prove that this indeed is your life?  In fact, were it not for the seed or womb supplied by the parents standing right in front of you, YOU WOULD NOT EXIST.  So please, do the world a favor and say yes sir or yes mother and live a happy life!

Leave me alone!

Listen, the only things left alone in this world are the things we do not care about; they are the things destined to whittle up and die.  Think of yourself as a plant and your parents as the hands that water, shade and prune.  Obviously, you do not want to be left alone without water or food – no, you are more than happy to sit down at the table and be fed the food that you probably didn’t have a hand in preparing.  You also don’t mind the warm bed on a rainy day, or that roof you don’t give a second thought to, right?  But when it comes to pruning, well, then you are off your rocker and this is World War 3.  Guess what happens to plants that are not pruned: 1) they have a decimated lifespan, 2) they produce increasingly dull blooms, 3) they grow wildly and unattractively, and 4) they cannot multiply.  So the next time you decide to say, or even think the words leave me alone, remember that what you are asking for is to become a bore that bounces around from place to place, or job to job annoying people. But hey, at least that way, you will not live very long and there won’t be other parts of this world that will see more of you.

I have a right to make my own mistakes!

No, you do not!  And the reason you do not is because once again your teenage brain has not thought this statement through enough to create a complete clause.  Whether it is same-sex marriage, abortion, pre-marital sex, everyone seems to be talking about rights.  Well, here’s the rub: a right does not mean much until the person exercising or neglecting that right understands its consequences and is willing to pay the price.  The question is not whether you have the right to do what you want or not – clearly everyone in this internet age is going zillion miles a minute, and everything is now or never.   The problem is not in the doing, it is in the thinking and the acceptance of responsibility for the consequences.  

No sane parent would argue that experience is not the best teacher.  It truly is.  Yet, what so few stop to ask before barging through life making mistakes is this: do I know the consequences and am I willing to live with them?  If we did think about the consequences of our right to make mistakes then many of us would have not taken that fork in the road that led to heartache, heartbreak and bitterness.  Instead that wrinkled hand holding up a contemplative chin would be resolute and not regretful, as our eyes gaze out on a life well lived, knowing that we really did know then what we know now.

In short, listen to your parents, stupid!